Determined To Succeed

Day fifty.

Hey there, everybody. I am sitting at the computer this morning humbled and appreciative. Why? Two reasons: One, they were two of the topics in last night’s twelve-step meeting. Two,  that last night’s meeting was probably the most powerful twelve-step meeting I have attended yet, for while I am on a better and healthier path for myself I am concerned for a guy in the group who I will call “Ray.”

Ray and I have spoken just a few times over the last few weeks. We never get into any kind of deeper discussion about anything (it’s always football or stuff like that). But last night Ray shared something very powerful with the group, something that made me have to catch my own breath. Something that made me both humbled and appreciative at the same time. Something that reminded me why I am on my new path and why I need to be on it for the rest of my life.

You see, Ray’s spouse left him because of his addictions (yes, he has more than one, that much I know). They finally took their toll and now Ray feels alone, scared and, most of all, like acting out. Thank God there were 23 other people in the room last night (the biggest crowd I’ve seen since starting to go to these meetings) most of whom Ray knows and who knew Ray. After Ray “shared” with the group I sat there in stunned silence. I hadn’t planned on sharing or saying anything last night. Just thank God, the spirit of my mom and the universe for the blessings of this past week silently and appreciate the chance to rediscover life and being a better human being. But after Ray shared I felt compelled to share. And this is what I basically shared:

That we, in this or any group like it, are damned lucky to be in such a fellowship and community. That no matter what addictions you are going through, and yes, absolutely, this does include any and all food addictions, there are people who understand. There are people who may not know the particular details of a person’s individual story but who, through sharing, can show they understand how another person feels and why they may do certain things because of the similarities in their own lives. Most of all, how lucky and blessed we all are that we can come to that room however many times a week and, for that hour, be in the safest room there is, to let loose, to share, get current, get angry or just be happy, especially in a world that is filled with people and other groups that may or may not understand (or want to understand) what’s going on and how serious and real something is.

When the meeting was over I gave Ray a hug, as did a few other guys in the group, and I left with a renewed sense of life. Ray, in his sharing, admitted he felt like acting out. He has not discussed specifically how he does act out but I am scared he will. He did mention twice before he acts out with food, and that has me worried, too, for I know all too well how comfort food makes false promises of support while leaving you the next day with nothing but disappointment in your soul and extra pounds on your hips and ass.

I said a prayer for Ray last night and sent a gentle wish on the wind that he has the strength to make it to the next meeting despite the temptations in the world to act out. I have felt that way in my life, too, and did and for that I will forever be ashamed. But I have learned where I don’t want to be ever again in life, in part because that unhappiness and need led to me being so heavy in the first place. No matter what I am so very thankful that I did bottom out and realize, in more ways than one, how I never wanted to be the old Bill ever again.

As we start this week take a moment in your day to say a prayer for the “Rays” in your lives, people you know who are struggling with problems that might make them do crazy, whacked out things, and give them a call, drop them a letter or e-mail or just give them a hug. Let them know they are not alone as I let you all know you are not alone on this sometimes treacherous and tricky road we call weight loss. There may be pitfalls, potholes and uneven pavement but we help each other past those things. Our stories may be different but they are the same, and I, for one, am so very grateful to you all that you are out there, too, because it reminds me of the blessings I have in life and that I, too, am not alone.